Sunday, November 1, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
a MIX of conclusions
I have a theory: one gets suspicious if he or she is vulnerable due to certain events. I have been suspicious and thus frustrated and easily irritable or suddenly sad. Now that I exited the maze, I can see more clear. Events and facts and words made me suspect that I am not welcomed but tolerated, that my choices are seen as impractical, that I am expected to perform and deliver some things in particular, that most likely I will do gladly anyway... but I dislike the feeling of expectations.
The maze was real, but in truth it was not as intricate.
I stopped overanalyzing things and letting go. Give the benefit of the doubt, have patience and love unconditionally. Have faith that God will open the right doors at the right time... I will just have to prepare my heart and mind and make myself available.
One can have access to extreme freedom if staying focused not on what to receive but on what to give: emotionally, physically, socially or financially. Receive love vs. give love abundantly, receive help vs. giving a hand, receive attention vs. paying attention and there will always be people who have less than you do... be thankful for what you have and help others in need.
I said a while ago that my identity doesn't come from my job. The job is there to provide me with some sort of financial security, and keep me from getting bored. But I had a hard time letting go and getting used to having unscheduled free time. Good things came out from this restlessness ... and my perspective over things got broader. I comfortably know now where to draw the line.. and I know the line will constantly get adjusted, but now I am free and happy to serve and love.
Some awesome people shared their unexpected story last Sunday. I was able to see my story from a future perspective by hearing theirs. A free spirit and a perfectionist, a loving friend and a provider, two best friends. Our stories are different, but God's work in their lives is similar to God's work in our lives.
I have had a wonderful time in my in-laws' house so far. My nephew was also around for a few days and I got to love and serve him unconditionally. I thank God for his patience in teaching me about His love and His grace.
This winter I'll have the opportunity to rest in my parents' house, and love them and serve them and reconnect with them. Sing Romanian Christmas carols, visit with family, go to the Orthodox church services, watch Romanian commercials and eat Romanian food. And most importantly: play in the snow!
My mind is a wondrous place with funky weather... but I trust God will always be there to bring calmness in it.
...Today I rest in Him.
The maze was real, but in truth it was not as intricate.
I stopped overanalyzing things and letting go. Give the benefit of the doubt, have patience and love unconditionally. Have faith that God will open the right doors at the right time... I will just have to prepare my heart and mind and make myself available.
One can have access to extreme freedom if staying focused not on what to receive but on what to give: emotionally, physically, socially or financially. Receive love vs. give love abundantly, receive help vs. giving a hand, receive attention vs. paying attention and there will always be people who have less than you do... be thankful for what you have and help others in need.
I said a while ago that my identity doesn't come from my job. The job is there to provide me with some sort of financial security, and keep me from getting bored. But I had a hard time letting go and getting used to having unscheduled free time. Good things came out from this restlessness ... and my perspective over things got broader. I comfortably know now where to draw the line.. and I know the line will constantly get adjusted, but now I am free and happy to serve and love.
Some awesome people shared their unexpected story last Sunday. I was able to see my story from a future perspective by hearing theirs. A free spirit and a perfectionist, a loving friend and a provider, two best friends. Our stories are different, but God's work in their lives is similar to God's work in our lives.
I have had a wonderful time in my in-laws' house so far. My nephew was also around for a few days and I got to love and serve him unconditionally. I thank God for his patience in teaching me about His love and His grace.
This winter I'll have the opportunity to rest in my parents' house, and love them and serve them and reconnect with them. Sing Romanian Christmas carols, visit with family, go to the Orthodox church services, watch Romanian commercials and eat Romanian food. And most importantly: play in the snow!
My mind is a wondrous place with funky weather... but I trust God will always be there to bring calmness in it.
...Today I rest in Him.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
25 random things about me
Monday, February 9, 2009 at 10:42pm | Edit Note | Delete
1. Conrad and I plan to move back to Romania someday.
2. I'm allergic to uncalled advices.
3. I like people with their weirdness, kindness, history... and yet sometimes I don't like people at all. Sometime I even don't like Conrad ... but I tolerate him until I remember how much i love and like him.
4. conrad loves kids and kids love conrad even more. i am more reserved with strangers but a child's mind and personality/heart fascinates me.
5. My perfect day is cold and rainy, and I, cuddled in bed, alone with a good book and some soft music in the background, drinking mugs and mugs of hot chocolate... I may just be nostalgic for my college days.
6. I like my in-laws. And I know they like me too. Thank God... because we met when I already was Mrs. Altmann... long story that you may already know.
7. I used to be a private math tutor in college and I made some money off of this skill...
8. I never rebelled as a teenager. for some reason I wish I did.
9. I always wanted to skydive and so I did in the summer of 2006 over the Monterey Bay. I even have the video to prove it.
10. I like pets but I don't want to have one... they are costly.
11. I shake off my depressed moods by cleaning the house ...or doing something productive. It's harder until I start. Usually a messy environment puts me in a bad mood anyway.
12. In my adventurous seasons, the perfect day would start in a fancy hotel w/ my husband, in a new city in Europe, with my most comfortable shoes waiting at the door and a fully charged battery in my camera... and you can figure out the rest. Oh, I love wandering around for miles in new cities.
13. I love watching movies... It's my favourite lazy thing to do.
14. Conrad, my beloved husband, often gives me the best massages in the world. He can't keep his hands off me and I love that! :-p
15. my job does not define who i am but it influences my being. i go to work daily because i get paid. i go to work because if i don't, i get bored after a while.
anyway, i could enjoy a three months long paid vacation without getting bored. i am so behind with my daydreaming!!!
16. I have one brother, 4 years older than me. He is the coolest guy ever! He talks about cars just as much as Conrad talk about coffee. When I was 2 years old I locked him in the closet and he had to break the door in half in order to get out... after maybe an hour of negotiation w/ me.
17. I used to sell apples in front of the wool factory with my cousins, when I was 5 years old. My grandmother had a huge orchard. I always sold my apples first 'cause I was the cutest and the youngest:-) This was around the revolution when the communism fell.
18. i am grateful for all the hard work i learned to do growing up - life seems easier now.
19. i spent most of my teenage summers helping my grandmother work the field... i learn to stand the dirt pretty well. i think that's why camping seems so appealing to me.
20. I like water. I like to be in the water all the time... I love taking baths and showers ...and I'm in the jacuzzi every other evening. Sweet amenity in the apartment complex we live in!
21. I knew I want to marry Conrad the first week we met... after he asked me twice where do i see our relationship going.
22. I like to watch people. When Conrad and I go out for dinner in restaurants, we people-watch. It's fun!
23. I miss home, I miss Romania. I miss my friends and my family there, but I'm better now. I'm too busy to dwell on those thoughts most of the time.
24. we want to have a baby:) and then another and another... i believe we will be good parents, so help us God.
25. in the mean time: I can't wait to be an auntie! I'm gonna be the coolest matusa ever!
1. Conrad and I plan to move back to Romania someday.
2. I'm allergic to uncalled advices.
3. I like people with their weirdness, kindness, history... and yet sometimes I don't like people at all. Sometime I even don't like Conrad ... but I tolerate him until I remember how much i love and like him.
4. conrad loves kids and kids love conrad even more. i am more reserved with strangers but a child's mind and personality/heart fascinates me.
5. My perfect day is cold and rainy, and I, cuddled in bed, alone with a good book and some soft music in the background, drinking mugs and mugs of hot chocolate... I may just be nostalgic for my college days.
6. I like my in-laws. And I know they like me too. Thank God... because we met when I already was Mrs. Altmann... long story that you may already know.
7. I used to be a private math tutor in college and I made some money off of this skill...
8. I never rebelled as a teenager. for some reason I wish I did.
9. I always wanted to skydive and so I did in the summer of 2006 over the Monterey Bay. I even have the video to prove it.
10. I like pets but I don't want to have one... they are costly.
11. I shake off my depressed moods by cleaning the house ...or doing something productive. It's harder until I start. Usually a messy environment puts me in a bad mood anyway.
12. In my adventurous seasons, the perfect day would start in a fancy hotel w/ my husband, in a new city in Europe, with my most comfortable shoes waiting at the door and a fully charged battery in my camera... and you can figure out the rest. Oh, I love wandering around for miles in new cities.
13. I love watching movies... It's my favourite lazy thing to do.
14. Conrad, my beloved husband, often gives me the best massages in the world. He can't keep his hands off me and I love that! :-p
15. my job does not define who i am but it influences my being. i go to work daily because i get paid. i go to work because if i don't, i get bored after a while.
anyway, i could enjoy a three months long paid vacation without getting bored. i am so behind with my daydreaming!!!
16. I have one brother, 4 years older than me. He is the coolest guy ever! He talks about cars just as much as Conrad talk about coffee. When I was 2 years old I locked him in the closet and he had to break the door in half in order to get out... after maybe an hour of negotiation w/ me.
17. I used to sell apples in front of the wool factory with my cousins, when I was 5 years old. My grandmother had a huge orchard. I always sold my apples first 'cause I was the cutest and the youngest:-) This was around the revolution when the communism fell.
18. i am grateful for all the hard work i learned to do growing up - life seems easier now.
19. i spent most of my teenage summers helping my grandmother work the field... i learn to stand the dirt pretty well. i think that's why camping seems so appealing to me.
20. I like water. I like to be in the water all the time... I love taking baths and showers ...and I'm in the jacuzzi every other evening. Sweet amenity in the apartment complex we live in!
21. I knew I want to marry Conrad the first week we met... after he asked me twice where do i see our relationship going.
22. I like to watch people. When Conrad and I go out for dinner in restaurants, we people-watch. It's fun!
23. I miss home, I miss Romania. I miss my friends and my family there, but I'm better now. I'm too busy to dwell on those thoughts most of the time.
24. we want to have a baby:) and then another and another... i believe we will be good parents, so help us God.
25. in the mean time: I can't wait to be an auntie! I'm gonna be the coolest matusa ever!
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