a MIX of conclusions

I have a theory: one gets suspicious if he or she is vulnerable due to certain events. I have been suspicious and thus frustrated and easily irritable or suddenly sad. Now that I exited the maze, I can see more clear. Events and facts and words made me suspect that I am not welcomed but tolerated, that my choices are seen as impractical, that I am expected to perform and deliver some things in particular, that most likely I will do gladly anyway... but I dislike the feeling of expectations.
The maze was real, but in truth it was not as intricate.

I stopped overanalyzing things and letting go. Give the benefit of the doubt, have patience and love unconditionally. Have faith that God will open the right doors at the right time... I will just have to prepare my heart and mind and make myself available.

One can have access to extreme freedom if staying focused not on what to receive but on what to give: emotionally, physically, socially or financially. Receive love vs. give love abundantly, receive help vs. giving a hand, receive attention vs. paying attention and there will always be people who have less than you do... be thankful for what you have and help others in need.

I said a while ago that my identity doesn't come from my job. The job is there to provide me with some sort of financial security, and keep me from getting bored. But I had a hard time letting go and getting used to having unscheduled free time. Good things came out from this restlessness ... and my perspective over things got broader. I comfortably know now where to draw the line.. and I know the line will constantly get adjusted, but now I am free and happy to serve and love.

Some awesome people shared their unexpected story last Sunday. I was able to see my story from a future perspective by hearing theirs. A free spirit and a perfectionist, a loving friend and a provider, two best friends. Our stories are different, but God's work in their lives is similar to God's work in our lives.

I have had a wonderful time in my in-laws' house so far. My nephew was also around for a few days and I got to love and serve him unconditionally. I thank God for his patience in teaching me about His love and His grace.

This winter I'll have the opportunity to rest in my parents' house, and love them and serve them and reconnect with them. Sing Romanian Christmas carols, visit with family, go to the Orthodox church services, watch Romanian commercials and eat Romanian food. And most importantly: play in the snow!

My mind is a wondrous place with funky weather... but I trust God will always be there to bring calmness in it.
...Today I rest in Him.