Sunday, November 1, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
a MIX of conclusions
I have a theory: one gets suspicious if he or she is vulnerable due to certain events. I have been suspicious and thus frustrated and easily irritable or suddenly sad. Now that I exited the maze, I can see more clear. Events and facts and words made me suspect that I am not welcomed but tolerated, that my choices are seen as impractical, that I am expected to perform and deliver some things in particular, that most likely I will do gladly anyway... but I dislike the feeling of expectations.
The maze was real, but in truth it was not as intricate.
I stopped overanalyzing things and letting go. Give the benefit of the doubt, have patience and love unconditionally. Have faith that God will open the right doors at the right time... I will just have to prepare my heart and mind and make myself available.
One can have access to extreme freedom if staying focused not on what to receive but on what to give: emotionally, physically, socially or financially. Receive love vs. give love abundantly, receive help vs. giving a hand, receive attention vs. paying attention and there will always be people who have less than you do... be thankful for what you have and help others in need.
I said a while ago that my identity doesn't come from my job. The job is there to provide me with some sort of financial security, and keep me from getting bored. But I had a hard time letting go and getting used to having unscheduled free time. Good things came out from this restlessness ... and my perspective over things got broader. I comfortably know now where to draw the line.. and I know the line will constantly get adjusted, but now I am free and happy to serve and love.
Some awesome people shared their unexpected story last Sunday. I was able to see my story from a future perspective by hearing theirs. A free spirit and a perfectionist, a loving friend and a provider, two best friends. Our stories are different, but God's work in their lives is similar to God's work in our lives.
I have had a wonderful time in my in-laws' house so far. My nephew was also around for a few days and I got to love and serve him unconditionally. I thank God for his patience in teaching me about His love and His grace.
This winter I'll have the opportunity to rest in my parents' house, and love them and serve them and reconnect with them. Sing Romanian Christmas carols, visit with family, go to the Orthodox church services, watch Romanian commercials and eat Romanian food. And most importantly: play in the snow!
My mind is a wondrous place with funky weather... but I trust God will always be there to bring calmness in it.
...Today I rest in Him.
The maze was real, but in truth it was not as intricate.
I stopped overanalyzing things and letting go. Give the benefit of the doubt, have patience and love unconditionally. Have faith that God will open the right doors at the right time... I will just have to prepare my heart and mind and make myself available.
One can have access to extreme freedom if staying focused not on what to receive but on what to give: emotionally, physically, socially or financially. Receive love vs. give love abundantly, receive help vs. giving a hand, receive attention vs. paying attention and there will always be people who have less than you do... be thankful for what you have and help others in need.
I said a while ago that my identity doesn't come from my job. The job is there to provide me with some sort of financial security, and keep me from getting bored. But I had a hard time letting go and getting used to having unscheduled free time. Good things came out from this restlessness ... and my perspective over things got broader. I comfortably know now where to draw the line.. and I know the line will constantly get adjusted, but now I am free and happy to serve and love.
Some awesome people shared their unexpected story last Sunday. I was able to see my story from a future perspective by hearing theirs. A free spirit and a perfectionist, a loving friend and a provider, two best friends. Our stories are different, but God's work in their lives is similar to God's work in our lives.
I have had a wonderful time in my in-laws' house so far. My nephew was also around for a few days and I got to love and serve him unconditionally. I thank God for his patience in teaching me about His love and His grace.
This winter I'll have the opportunity to rest in my parents' house, and love them and serve them and reconnect with them. Sing Romanian Christmas carols, visit with family, go to the Orthodox church services, watch Romanian commercials and eat Romanian food. And most importantly: play in the snow!
My mind is a wondrous place with funky weather... but I trust God will always be there to bring calmness in it.
...Today I rest in Him.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
25 random things about me
Monday, February 9, 2009 at 10:42pm | Edit Note | Delete
1. Conrad and I plan to move back to Romania someday.
2. I'm allergic to uncalled advices.
3. I like people with their weirdness, kindness, history... and yet sometimes I don't like people at all. Sometime I even don't like Conrad ... but I tolerate him until I remember how much i love and like him.
4. conrad loves kids and kids love conrad even more. i am more reserved with strangers but a child's mind and personality/heart fascinates me.
5. My perfect day is cold and rainy, and I, cuddled in bed, alone with a good book and some soft music in the background, drinking mugs and mugs of hot chocolate... I may just be nostalgic for my college days.
6. I like my in-laws. And I know they like me too. Thank God... because we met when I already was Mrs. Altmann... long story that you may already know.
7. I used to be a private math tutor in college and I made some money off of this skill...
8. I never rebelled as a teenager. for some reason I wish I did.
9. I always wanted to skydive and so I did in the summer of 2006 over the Monterey Bay. I even have the video to prove it.
10. I like pets but I don't want to have one... they are costly.
11. I shake off my depressed moods by cleaning the house ...or doing something productive. It's harder until I start. Usually a messy environment puts me in a bad mood anyway.
12. In my adventurous seasons, the perfect day would start in a fancy hotel w/ my husband, in a new city in Europe, with my most comfortable shoes waiting at the door and a fully charged battery in my camera... and you can figure out the rest. Oh, I love wandering around for miles in new cities.
13. I love watching movies... It's my favourite lazy thing to do.
14. Conrad, my beloved husband, often gives me the best massages in the world. He can't keep his hands off me and I love that! :-p
15. my job does not define who i am but it influences my being. i go to work daily because i get paid. i go to work because if i don't, i get bored after a while.
anyway, i could enjoy a three months long paid vacation without getting bored. i am so behind with my daydreaming!!!
16. I have one brother, 4 years older than me. He is the coolest guy ever! He talks about cars just as much as Conrad talk about coffee. When I was 2 years old I locked him in the closet and he had to break the door in half in order to get out... after maybe an hour of negotiation w/ me.
17. I used to sell apples in front of the wool factory with my cousins, when I was 5 years old. My grandmother had a huge orchard. I always sold my apples first 'cause I was the cutest and the youngest:-) This was around the revolution when the communism fell.
18. i am grateful for all the hard work i learned to do growing up - life seems easier now.
19. i spent most of my teenage summers helping my grandmother work the field... i learn to stand the dirt pretty well. i think that's why camping seems so appealing to me.
20. I like water. I like to be in the water all the time... I love taking baths and showers ...and I'm in the jacuzzi every other evening. Sweet amenity in the apartment complex we live in!
21. I knew I want to marry Conrad the first week we met... after he asked me twice where do i see our relationship going.
22. I like to watch people. When Conrad and I go out for dinner in restaurants, we people-watch. It's fun!
23. I miss home, I miss Romania. I miss my friends and my family there, but I'm better now. I'm too busy to dwell on those thoughts most of the time.
24. we want to have a baby:) and then another and another... i believe we will be good parents, so help us God.
25. in the mean time: I can't wait to be an auntie! I'm gonna be the coolest matusa ever!
1. Conrad and I plan to move back to Romania someday.
2. I'm allergic to uncalled advices.
3. I like people with their weirdness, kindness, history... and yet sometimes I don't like people at all. Sometime I even don't like Conrad ... but I tolerate him until I remember how much i love and like him.
4. conrad loves kids and kids love conrad even more. i am more reserved with strangers but a child's mind and personality/heart fascinates me.
5. My perfect day is cold and rainy, and I, cuddled in bed, alone with a good book and some soft music in the background, drinking mugs and mugs of hot chocolate... I may just be nostalgic for my college days.
6. I like my in-laws. And I know they like me too. Thank God... because we met when I already was Mrs. Altmann... long story that you may already know.
7. I used to be a private math tutor in college and I made some money off of this skill...
8. I never rebelled as a teenager. for some reason I wish I did.
9. I always wanted to skydive and so I did in the summer of 2006 over the Monterey Bay. I even have the video to prove it.
10. I like pets but I don't want to have one... they are costly.
11. I shake off my depressed moods by cleaning the house ...or doing something productive. It's harder until I start. Usually a messy environment puts me in a bad mood anyway.
12. In my adventurous seasons, the perfect day would start in a fancy hotel w/ my husband, in a new city in Europe, with my most comfortable shoes waiting at the door and a fully charged battery in my camera... and you can figure out the rest. Oh, I love wandering around for miles in new cities.
13. I love watching movies... It's my favourite lazy thing to do.
14. Conrad, my beloved husband, often gives me the best massages in the world. He can't keep his hands off me and I love that! :-p
15. my job does not define who i am but it influences my being. i go to work daily because i get paid. i go to work because if i don't, i get bored after a while.
anyway, i could enjoy a three months long paid vacation without getting bored. i am so behind with my daydreaming!!!
16. I have one brother, 4 years older than me. He is the coolest guy ever! He talks about cars just as much as Conrad talk about coffee. When I was 2 years old I locked him in the closet and he had to break the door in half in order to get out... after maybe an hour of negotiation w/ me.
17. I used to sell apples in front of the wool factory with my cousins, when I was 5 years old. My grandmother had a huge orchard. I always sold my apples first 'cause I was the cutest and the youngest:-) This was around the revolution when the communism fell.
18. i am grateful for all the hard work i learned to do growing up - life seems easier now.
19. i spent most of my teenage summers helping my grandmother work the field... i learn to stand the dirt pretty well. i think that's why camping seems so appealing to me.
20. I like water. I like to be in the water all the time... I love taking baths and showers ...and I'm in the jacuzzi every other evening. Sweet amenity in the apartment complex we live in!
21. I knew I want to marry Conrad the first week we met... after he asked me twice where do i see our relationship going.
22. I like to watch people. When Conrad and I go out for dinner in restaurants, we people-watch. It's fun!
23. I miss home, I miss Romania. I miss my friends and my family there, but I'm better now. I'm too busy to dwell on those thoughts most of the time.
24. we want to have a baby:) and then another and another... i believe we will be good parents, so help us God.
25. in the mean time: I can't wait to be an auntie! I'm gonna be the coolest matusa ever!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.”
As I was making banana muffins today, I saw this magnet on my fridge with the Romans 8:28 Bible verse. English words just don’t want to come out in their best order today, but there is more light and order in my heart than in my head.
All things that happen to us are not random, even if sometimes I find it hard to believe that God pays attention to all details.
I needed a cold shower of humbleness and revitalized trust and respect for my husband. About three months ago God gave me an unexpected gift of a well paid job offer, just when I thought I can’t go a step further in my current job at that time. And I took it and I made the best of my time at the new job, working with Allison full time, befriending her, learning new skills and programs and regaining confidence in the professionalism and excitement at the work place.
I loved working there… I liked my managers, I enjoyed what I was doing, but that gift was taken away from me just as unexpectedly as it came. And for some reason I couldn’t be upset with God for that. The job allowed us to save more money; it took me out of an overwhelming job context, and just when we were planning to come to Romania this winter, my ties back here broke loose, and now I am able to visit my home-country when my brother’s baby is born.
On a different note, God was so gracious with me to teach me about humbleness again. My husband is now in charge of our income, however big or small that is, and he is living up to it: brave and kind and loving.
We were planning to stay with his parents for a few weeks, before visiting Romania anyway. But now it turns out that we’ll stay with them for a month, while Conrad is building his clients database, finishes a big design project for Barefoot, and gets started with the freelance website. But these days I feel as an outsider more than ever. I am not productive anymore since I don’t have a job; I dislike other people’s expectations of me… because I fear that I won’t be able to meet them and I already feel judged. I wish there was more obvious grace in this context.
But I am glad we clarified the expectations and made living arrangements with my in-laws, splitting the house responsibilities, so tension wouldn’t build up while living there.
I also suspect my brother’s disappointment in our choice of coming to Romania this winter, because he seems to perceive it as a failure… I heard three people asking if “it is that hard over here that we run away to Romania”. And here I am, getting ready for the vacation of my dreams, long and relaxed and inexpensive. To recharge our batteries, just to have enough energy to start this crazy cycle over again in February.
I have been so tempted to do what I think others believe it’s better for us: stay here, start looking for a job right away, keep busy and not stop to think for a second about our real calling, about our direction and purpose. And I fast forward in this particular scenario and I see myself this Christmas: working during the holidays, being extremely tired, and celebrating without snow and without my parents – the forth year in a row, resenting my rush to comply with other people’s expectations of me, of what is rational and responsible to do.
My rush to get a job would be extra motivated out of my distrust in Conrad’s ability to provide… and I need to be still, and trust him and trust God that we won’t starve.
This is a tough time, but as never before, I can rest in Conrad… hence his poem from last weekend. I feel his courage and his strength, and feel like he heard me so clear when he asked me what do I want him to say when I was distressed: to “Tell me you’ll do your best to protect me and provide for us, and you’ll never let me starve”. And I will love and respect him forever. So help me God!
All things that happen to us are not random, even if sometimes I find it hard to believe that God pays attention to all details.
I needed a cold shower of humbleness and revitalized trust and respect for my husband. About three months ago God gave me an unexpected gift of a well paid job offer, just when I thought I can’t go a step further in my current job at that time. And I took it and I made the best of my time at the new job, working with Allison full time, befriending her, learning new skills and programs and regaining confidence in the professionalism and excitement at the work place.
I loved working there… I liked my managers, I enjoyed what I was doing, but that gift was taken away from me just as unexpectedly as it came. And for some reason I couldn’t be upset with God for that. The job allowed us to save more money; it took me out of an overwhelming job context, and just when we were planning to come to Romania this winter, my ties back here broke loose, and now I am able to visit my home-country when my brother’s baby is born.
On a different note, God was so gracious with me to teach me about humbleness again. My husband is now in charge of our income, however big or small that is, and he is living up to it: brave and kind and loving.
We were planning to stay with his parents for a few weeks, before visiting Romania anyway. But now it turns out that we’ll stay with them for a month, while Conrad is building his clients database, finishes a big design project for Barefoot, and gets started with the freelance website. But these days I feel as an outsider more than ever. I am not productive anymore since I don’t have a job; I dislike other people’s expectations of me… because I fear that I won’t be able to meet them and I already feel judged. I wish there was more obvious grace in this context.
But I am glad we clarified the expectations and made living arrangements with my in-laws, splitting the house responsibilities, so tension wouldn’t build up while living there.
I also suspect my brother’s disappointment in our choice of coming to Romania this winter, because he seems to perceive it as a failure… I heard three people asking if “it is that hard over here that we run away to Romania”. And here I am, getting ready for the vacation of my dreams, long and relaxed and inexpensive. To recharge our batteries, just to have enough energy to start this crazy cycle over again in February.
I have been so tempted to do what I think others believe it’s better for us: stay here, start looking for a job right away, keep busy and not stop to think for a second about our real calling, about our direction and purpose. And I fast forward in this particular scenario and I see myself this Christmas: working during the holidays, being extremely tired, and celebrating without snow and without my parents – the forth year in a row, resenting my rush to comply with other people’s expectations of me, of what is rational and responsible to do.
My rush to get a job would be extra motivated out of my distrust in Conrad’s ability to provide… and I need to be still, and trust him and trust God that we won’t starve.
This is a tough time, but as never before, I can rest in Conrad… hence his poem from last weekend. I feel his courage and his strength, and feel like he heard me so clear when he asked me what do I want him to say when I was distressed: to “Tell me you’ll do your best to protect me and provide for us, and you’ll never let me starve”. And I will love and respect him forever. So help me God!
Monday, October 12, 2009
As a Boat
by Conrad Altmann
Oh God, I long to go sailing,
For to bear my cargo true.
But You know that I am wary,
To plunge in and follow You.
So shape me as a boat, oh God,
A bastion straight to lead.
For I fear that I will drift too far,
And land upon the beach.
Craft my vessel thick and broad,
For to persevere the storm.
And lead my loved ones through, oh God,
To protect them til the morn.
May I steer the currents high, oh God,
With a rudder wise and true.
But if that would fail to navigate,
Let my virtue follow through.
For what would lead me off, oh God,
Fill my sails to billow forth.
With gusting winds of loving faith,
To keep my ship on course.
May I captain honestly, oh God,
And feel every timbers' sway.
May I earn the faith of my family,
That on Your loves' course I will stay.
So cast me from the pier, oh God,
Reassure my fears anew.
Will the seas to send me far,
To islands strange and new.
Grant courage to hold my own, oh God,
On the eve of troubled seas.
I will boldly face the swells for You,
For You put Your strength in me.
And when You dock me high and dry,
You'll direct me in to land.
Show me where to build Your home, oh God,
While leading me by hand.
And when Your house is built, oh God,
Instruct me how to pray.
To lead my wife with strength and love,
And remind me where I lay.
Amen.
Oh God, I long to go sailing,
For to bear my cargo true.
But You know that I am wary,
To plunge in and follow You.
So shape me as a boat, oh God,
A bastion straight to lead.
For I fear that I will drift too far,
And land upon the beach.
Craft my vessel thick and broad,
For to persevere the storm.
And lead my loved ones through, oh God,
To protect them til the morn.
May I steer the currents high, oh God,
With a rudder wise and true.
But if that would fail to navigate,
Let my virtue follow through.
For what would lead me off, oh God,
Fill my sails to billow forth.
With gusting winds of loving faith,
To keep my ship on course.
May I captain honestly, oh God,
And feel every timbers' sway.
May I earn the faith of my family,
That on Your loves' course I will stay.
So cast me from the pier, oh God,
Reassure my fears anew.
Will the seas to send me far,
To islands strange and new.
Grant courage to hold my own, oh God,
On the eve of troubled seas.
I will boldly face the swells for You,
For You put Your strength in me.
And when You dock me high and dry,
You'll direct me in to land.
Show me where to build Your home, oh God,
While leading me by hand.
And when Your house is built, oh God,
Instruct me how to pray.
To lead my wife with strength and love,
And remind me where I lay.
Amen.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
I sometimes do get discouraged...
I recognized a while ago that it is 10 times easier for me to stretch my own mind and push harder to make it through and survive and win, in the professional or the social arena. But after two years of keeping my eyes set on the goal, on the finish line, having enough momentum to share with my husband and family, I realized that maybe I should also try another approach, especially when I expect from my husband to have the same drive as I do…
It so happens that I have some time on my hands right now. My first impulse is to get up and be productive, make some money, get up every morning and stretch myself to accomplish more, win the fight with my own comfortability and leisure.
But today I stood silent in my own presence and realized something: I believe I can be the greatest motivator and helper for my husband so he can be the confident provider for our family, for the time when I will be physically impaired due to pregnancy or early weeks of motherhood.
The past two years I have worked with amazing people and I learned every day from them. I feel so rich intellectually, socially, with a variety of office experience.
I love the financial aspects of a business. I have some theoretical knowledge about how it works in Europe, but in the end it's a sixth sense that one can develop in time, pursuing it.
I have been in charge of our budget, and with two relatively low incomes we accomplished amazing things, as if money were multiplying in our accounts by themselves. …creepy mental image.
My husband is an amazing artist, with great people skills, he just needs a partner to bounce ideas off of and believe in him. We have put together his first contract, that was just countersigned by the first, long term Client. I am so proud of him! These two years have given him direction and helped him to grow more that even he knows.
I constantly go back to what I want to accomplish on my own, how I can be independent and shine in my own way. And that time will come again. There is something about the office work that intrigues me and that i love. It got into my system after two years of having an office job. I love the consistent pay, I love the people, i like the system, because it challenges me and I can do my share to make it a better place… depending on the position I behold I guess.
And Romania here I come!
The first day of staying home I missed the office. I missed Allison and my colleagues. I kept myself busy, but I look forward to adjusting my routine, to the changes of this fourth quarter.
My prayers are very intense these days. As intense and real as the fact that I don't have an office well paid job right now. Thank God for his care and for our small but existing savings… :)
It so happens that I have some time on my hands right now. My first impulse is to get up and be productive, make some money, get up every morning and stretch myself to accomplish more, win the fight with my own comfortability and leisure.
But today I stood silent in my own presence and realized something: I believe I can be the greatest motivator and helper for my husband so he can be the confident provider for our family, for the time when I will be physically impaired due to pregnancy or early weeks of motherhood.
The past two years I have worked with amazing people and I learned every day from them. I feel so rich intellectually, socially, with a variety of office experience.
I love the financial aspects of a business. I have some theoretical knowledge about how it works in Europe, but in the end it's a sixth sense that one can develop in time, pursuing it.
I have been in charge of our budget, and with two relatively low incomes we accomplished amazing things, as if money were multiplying in our accounts by themselves. …creepy mental image.
My husband is an amazing artist, with great people skills, he just needs a partner to bounce ideas off of and believe in him. We have put together his first contract, that was just countersigned by the first, long term Client. I am so proud of him! These two years have given him direction and helped him to grow more that even he knows.
I constantly go back to what I want to accomplish on my own, how I can be independent and shine in my own way. And that time will come again. There is something about the office work that intrigues me and that i love. It got into my system after two years of having an office job. I love the consistent pay, I love the people, i like the system, because it challenges me and I can do my share to make it a better place… depending on the position I behold I guess.
And Romania here I come!
The first day of staying home I missed the office. I missed Allison and my colleagues. I kept myself busy, but I look forward to adjusting my routine, to the changes of this fourth quarter.
My prayers are very intense these days. As intense and real as the fact that I don't have an office well paid job right now. Thank God for his care and for our small but existing savings… :)
Friday, September 25, 2009
A story twist...
We live our lives lead by fear, motivated by love, encouraged by hope, or a combination of these, and if you can’t defeat fear you make it your friend, and what a strong ally that would make.
I’m a strong advocate for freedom, freedom of fear, of sin, of impairing self-consciousness… also freedom to love unconditionally, under all forms: patiently, purposefully, decisively, firmly and kindly, lavishly and enthusiastically.
I’ve been so tired lately because of work or sleep deprivation, and that allowed my subconscious to be more awake, and I have all these ideas flowing out of me … and I simply can’t shut up.
What do we fear these days? We fear that we won’t find true love, that we won’t succeed in our careers, that we’ll grow old and hopeless, that we won’t be able to pay our rent next month, that everybody will discover that we are not who we pretend to be, that someone will break into our car tonight (I hate that!), that we will never see our family again, that our lives will be a waste… yes, we fear pain in all forms.
And yet, we keep going, day in and day out, trying to make the best of our lives… or maybe we don’t even try.
…as I wrote this yesterday I found out that the project I was hired for got cancelled, and it turns out that I don’t fit on the Q4 budget. I got very encouraging reviews and feedback… but the reality of the numbers is a different story.
Conrad and I were planning to go to Romania this winter, but we didn’t know how this idea will take shape. Now things became clear but not simple.
What is about a job that we get so attached to? Besides the financial security, we become defined by the yearly wage, we literally wear a price tag, and we wear it with pride, we develop this love-hate relationship with the daily routine, and it’s a topic of conversation… It keeps our mind engaged, it puts us in random social circles and it challenges us to overcome our cluelessness in regards to what is going on in this world.
I believe that having and keeping a job is the responsible thing to do. And I personally love to work. I like to discover and pursue what I enjoy in the situation I’m currently in. I love the challenges, I love discovering new people, I love to dream and live my dreams.
I don’t know what comes next, but let’s live and love and dream, be courageous and rest in God.
I’m a strong advocate for freedom, freedom of fear, of sin, of impairing self-consciousness… also freedom to love unconditionally, under all forms: patiently, purposefully, decisively, firmly and kindly, lavishly and enthusiastically.
I’ve been so tired lately because of work or sleep deprivation, and that allowed my subconscious to be more awake, and I have all these ideas flowing out of me … and I simply can’t shut up.
What do we fear these days? We fear that we won’t find true love, that we won’t succeed in our careers, that we’ll grow old and hopeless, that we won’t be able to pay our rent next month, that everybody will discover that we are not who we pretend to be, that someone will break into our car tonight (I hate that!), that we will never see our family again, that our lives will be a waste… yes, we fear pain in all forms.
And yet, we keep going, day in and day out, trying to make the best of our lives… or maybe we don’t even try.
…as I wrote this yesterday I found out that the project I was hired for got cancelled, and it turns out that I don’t fit on the Q4 budget. I got very encouraging reviews and feedback… but the reality of the numbers is a different story.
Conrad and I were planning to go to Romania this winter, but we didn’t know how this idea will take shape. Now things became clear but not simple.
What is about a job that we get so attached to? Besides the financial security, we become defined by the yearly wage, we literally wear a price tag, and we wear it with pride, we develop this love-hate relationship with the daily routine, and it’s a topic of conversation… It keeps our mind engaged, it puts us in random social circles and it challenges us to overcome our cluelessness in regards to what is going on in this world.
I believe that having and keeping a job is the responsible thing to do. And I personally love to work. I like to discover and pursue what I enjoy in the situation I’m currently in. I love the challenges, I love discovering new people, I love to dream and live my dreams.
I don’t know what comes next, but let’s live and love and dream, be courageous and rest in God.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Ramble on a Saturday morning
After two years of learning the American way, adapting to the culture, taking what is good from it, i just woke up, as if from a dream, and decided to be more deliberate in living and expressing my childhood luggage of memories, opinions and education.
I was never the one one to go with the flow. And no matter how much I enjoy the peace, I am ready to pick a fight for the sake of goodness and truth.
Growing up in an era of persecution, persecution of faith or religion (...the oppressors couldn't tell the difference), when all my schoolmates wore the same type of shoes and backpacks, because there was no variety in stores (...all mostly gray and brown), the reason to mock or pick on your colleagues was their faith or the fact that they didn't do their homework. Life was pretty simple from that point of view... and sometimes, I dare say, we had it easy. I have been asked if I was a believer (in a derogatory way) and I looked them into the eyes and I said yes. For some reason they never bothered me again. It was always an awkward question to ask... and it was always brought up to mock someone.
There is no excuse for ignorance in this world, and yet it settles around us like a plague. Sometimes hiding behind the politically correct attitude, trading an awake, passionate mind for a pitiful living, we loose more and more of who we are, or sight of what we were meant to be.
As for raising children, I can only talk about my own childhood. I did not grow up in a bubble, that's for sure, and I am so grateful that I didn't. Why the heck do we strive so hard to make the world seem perfect for our children? We throw out the window the real gifts we have for the children (which is us - a work in progress) to overwhelm them with colorful but fading joy.
I disagree with paying the children to do chores around the house. They will turn 25 and they will still feel like they paid you a great service for taking the trash out or for doing the dishes. It's just life, and we all put our shoulder to make it better.
...I was 5 years old and my parents had a CEC savings account under my name. I don't know why, but as they were talking about "my" money, I truly thought that I get paid into this account to go to kindergarden everyday, just like my parent get paid to go to work.
...I took my "job" very seriously.
I strongly believe that if there is a place where children ought to learn about grace and generosity, is in their home, from their parents. And there is a time for rules and regulations, and there is a time for abundant grace.
I never had an allowance, and that put my mind to work, on how to eventually make some money. I tutored math for younger kids. At first I did it for free, until I got a hang of it, and when I was offered payment from non-family members, I took it. That was my first earned money.
We fill our heads with all these books on how to discipline kids, and yet all we would need is abundant love and grace, striving to set an example though our own life, being determined and living on purpose. Set our eyes on a higher goal in life that would keep our footsteps going straight... and remember that it's no about us! It's about God...
I was never the one one to go with the flow. And no matter how much I enjoy the peace, I am ready to pick a fight for the sake of goodness and truth.
Growing up in an era of persecution, persecution of faith or religion (...the oppressors couldn't tell the difference), when all my schoolmates wore the same type of shoes and backpacks, because there was no variety in stores (...all mostly gray and brown), the reason to mock or pick on your colleagues was their faith or the fact that they didn't do their homework. Life was pretty simple from that point of view... and sometimes, I dare say, we had it easy. I have been asked if I was a believer (in a derogatory way) and I looked them into the eyes and I said yes. For some reason they never bothered me again. It was always an awkward question to ask... and it was always brought up to mock someone.
There is no excuse for ignorance in this world, and yet it settles around us like a plague. Sometimes hiding behind the politically correct attitude, trading an awake, passionate mind for a pitiful living, we loose more and more of who we are, or sight of what we were meant to be.
As for raising children, I can only talk about my own childhood. I did not grow up in a bubble, that's for sure, and I am so grateful that I didn't. Why the heck do we strive so hard to make the world seem perfect for our children? We throw out the window the real gifts we have for the children (which is us - a work in progress) to overwhelm them with colorful but fading joy.
I disagree with paying the children to do chores around the house. They will turn 25 and they will still feel like they paid you a great service for taking the trash out or for doing the dishes. It's just life, and we all put our shoulder to make it better.
...I was 5 years old and my parents had a CEC savings account under my name. I don't know why, but as they were talking about "my" money, I truly thought that I get paid into this account to go to kindergarden everyday, just like my parent get paid to go to work.
...I took my "job" very seriously.
I strongly believe that if there is a place where children ought to learn about grace and generosity, is in their home, from their parents. And there is a time for rules and regulations, and there is a time for abundant grace.
I never had an allowance, and that put my mind to work, on how to eventually make some money. I tutored math for younger kids. At first I did it for free, until I got a hang of it, and when I was offered payment from non-family members, I took it. That was my first earned money.
We fill our heads with all these books on how to discipline kids, and yet all we would need is abundant love and grace, striving to set an example though our own life, being determined and living on purpose. Set our eyes on a higher goal in life that would keep our footsteps going straight... and remember that it's no about us! It's about God...
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
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